So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
