one two three fourrrrnication!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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