don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
