She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
