so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
