Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
