You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
