Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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