Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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