You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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