New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
