Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
