Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
