I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
