If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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