i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
