we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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