Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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