I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
