In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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