it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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