I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just pee around me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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