i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
