we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
