the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
