He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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