I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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