I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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