Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
