You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
