Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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