Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
