There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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