the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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