My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
