i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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