Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
