She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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