my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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