Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
