She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my sisters under your porch take her home
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize