break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
