My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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