He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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