Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize