i permit you to call me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
