I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
