Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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