You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
