o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
