she was so not down for the gang bang
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
