I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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