Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
