Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
