I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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