I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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