Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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