I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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