trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
