Define "chronic" masturbator.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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