Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
