Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
