he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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