This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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