if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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