Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
