Life is so much better after having sex.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
