I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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