never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
